As we approach another Father's Day, I find myself a mix of emotions and thoughts. Those who know me well would not find that different from any other day, but at this time my heart and mind are travelling one particular road together, that of fatherhood.
Firstly for my own father, whom I love, respect and admire. For years now I have know we are two very different men; on the surface of it, I am probably the least like my father of his three sons. But with the wisdom of some years and the benefit of their reflection, I have come to find that we are not so different at all, he and I. He passed on the best of himself to me: his work ethic, his love of laughter, his quiet strength. I am my father's son, and I honor him for allowing me to stand on his shoulders like the trunk of a mighty oak and cast my branches skyward.
Speaking of said branches, my other thoughts this weekend are of course for my own offspring. I am intensely proud of my own sons; as they reach their late teens and early twenties I marvel at the men they are becoming and I cannot help but indulge in a little pride at my contribution to this miracle. And yet I know that much of what they have become, much of the wonder that I marvel at in them is not of my doing. Their wonderful mother, grandparents, countless teachers and coaches, and their heavenly Father have all played a role. And it strikes me that, in retrospect, my job as a father has been not only to have good influence on them myself, but to surround them with the best influences for their minds and hearts to soak up. I know I have failed at times, but I hope on the whole I have served them well.
I will spare you all that my heart is full of today, but I would like to pass along a some of what I have learned as a father for 18 years, particularly as a father of boys.
- Walk uprightly before them. When you walk through their view, there is an "S" on your chest and a cape flowing behind you. You are their hero, act like one. Treat your wife like a lady, show them how a gentleman behaves. Know that every step you take and every word you say, you are training little men. The cameras are always running, gentlemen.
- Love them freely. So many men in this country still suffer from emotional constipation in this day & age. Your kids crave your love and acceptance, pine for your approval, most of them well into adulthood. Be free with the hugs, liberal with the "L" word, an never, ever let them forget that you love them like crazy.
- Be proud of them and let it show. Let them hear you tell someone something good about them. Take an interest in their lives and show them that they can shine. Tell them that you are proud of them and never stop, even when they are grown.
- Be slow to wrath, and quick to forgive. Children need constant discipline, but always remember that discipline has nothing to do with how you feel about it. Resist the temptation to take revenge, even when they deserve it; and don't hold their mistakes over their heads. Deal with it appropriately and move on. Trust me, they will remember their mistakes longer than you will.
- Admit when you are wrong. You will be wrong, alot. Stop trying to be perfect, every Superman has his kryptonite. When you do wrong, acknowledge it, ask for forgiveness and try to learn from it. Isn't that what we expect from our kids?
- Share your beliefs with them. Take them to worship, talk to them honestly about your deeply held beliefs and opinions. Some people call it brainwashing, I call it engaging them as a fellow human being. Mark my words, they will chose their own way, so you need not worry your head over indoctrinating your kids, you aren't programming a robot here. Your beliefs are only the footing, they will build their own house. Let them roam freely in your house of thought and someday, wonder of wonders, you will be invited into theirs.
- Teach them to work. Let them help you do things, encourage them to put their hands on work, get the feel of it. Mowing the yard, fixing a leak, whatever you are doing that they can be involved in. It's not about being a lawnmower or a plumber, it's about learning to do work, whatever it may be. Safety first, to be sure; but let them help...especially while they are willing...even if it would be easier to do it yourself.
- Lastly, delight in your children. Enjoy every moment, even the frustrating ones, and yes, even the painful ones. I know it's cliche', but all to soon they will be gone, and those moments will go with them. So gawk with feigned amazement at every hand-scrawled drawing, clap and cheer like a fanboy at every game or concert or recital. No need to pressure them, just support them 100%. Let your children know they are awesome, and they will go out and be awesome someday.
Happy Father's Day everyone. If you are luck enough to have your dad still around, go see him or call him. And if you are lucky enough to have your kids within reach, hug them and tell them you love them. Like crazy. :-)
Nolanbuck
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2 comments:
i like this
Nolan, I read this after you all left on Father's Day. It brought me to tears! Tears of Joy and Pride. I shared it with your Dad and he was very impressed and moved as well. I am very proud of the Father you have become. I think we produced a fine man and an awesome father in you as well as your brothers. We have been blessed in so many ways! Way to go, son!
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